One More Equals Four

I’m going to be taking a little bloggy break indefinitely.  I have felt for a week or so that I needed to do this.  But I didn’t want to.  Perhaps I rely on it a little too much!  I love the friendships and community I have found here and am almost in tears about giving them up right now.

But, I am in a Bible Study right now by Priscilla Shirer, “Discerning the Voice of God” and boy am I convicted.  I have known what God was telling me but chose to disobey because it was not what I wanted.  So, better late than never, I will now be obeying.  I am not sure how long it will be but I hope to be back again sometime.  Thanks to the faithful few that have read and encouraged me.  Your friendships mean more than I can ever say and have gotten me through some rough days!  Bless you…hope to blog with you again!

Today we had guests at the pool.  Dancer’s very best boy friend and his family came over for lunch and swimming.  Dancer has been SO excited about this.  Dancer and “S” have known each other almost their whole lives.  They go to church together, went to Mother’s Day Out together, were in Pre-K together and will begin Kindergarten at our tutorial together.  They have planned their wedding all the way down to the dance they will do at the reception.  It is just understood by “S” that they will be marrying.  In fact, they have even gotten in trouble in S.S. once for kissing (although we later found out they were not kissing–they were playing cats and they were cleaning one another–which is worse?). 

Anyway, recently Dancer has decided that she is no longer getting married because I informed her that when she did she had to move out of my house.  Well, if that was so, she decided, all bets were off and she would not, in fact, be able to marry “S”.

Today at the pool, Football Boy decided to stir things up. “Hey, “S”, he said, “Are you going to get married to Dancer someday?”

Dancer swiftly and matter of factly responded, “Not until my Mommy and Daddy are Dead!”

Why do I suddenly feel the need for protection?

Big Mama is having a carnival of sorts at her place looking for summer recipes.  As you all know through my whiningblogging, I am on a diet and have had to revamp my cooking tendencies of late.  If you have looked at the journal, you will notice that it involves A LOT of peanut butter sandwiches.  That would be because I have not yet made it to the store to buy anything else on the approved food list given to my by sparkpeople.com!  Anywhoo, I found this recipe on the sparkpeople website and tried it out.  It is quite good AND although it is a hot meal, it doesn’t heat up the whole house because it is done in the crock pot, which also means that you can cook and swim at the same time–what could be wrong with that?

Slow-Cooker Salsa Chicken

Ingredients:

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 cup salsa

1 package reduced sodium taco seasoning ( I used 1/2 and it was fine)

1 can reduced fat cream of mushroom soup (condensed)

1/2 cup reduced fat sour cream

Add chicken to slow cooker.  Sprinkle taco seasoning over chicken.  Pour salsa and soup over chicken.  Cook on low for 6 to 8 hours.  Remover from heat and stir in sour cream.  Serve with rice.

1.  Reading a post by BooMama about Home Improvement may spur you on to do things you should have done years ago even though you know you cannot participate in her carnival because you are too technologically incompetent to post before and after pictures.

2.  A wonderful place to start on these projects is cleaning and organizing the kids’ bedrooms because of the instant gratification of throwing away three garbage bags full of unwanted drawings stashed in every nook and cranny of said rooms.

3.  If you really want to inspire the children to help with the project, invite a friend over and then tell the child he cannot play with the friend until room is cleaned and organized.

4. If you want the room to stay organized, you must spend the next week going into the bedroom at all cleaning sessions and acting as the cleaning gestapo with phrases such as:  “If it is left on the floor, it is garbage,” “Is that where that toy belongs?” or my personal favorite, “Can this pass a daddy inspection?”

5.  When tackling these little projects and suggesting on Saturday that you clean the garage that has not been cleaned since you bought the house 5 years ago because hubby wanted to wait until it was painted, be aware that after doing what you can on Saturday but not being able to finish because of the whole painting thing, that on Monday morning while you are in the shower, you may get a call from the painter hubby has hired to say he is on his way…immediately!

6.  Since this is obviously a week of improvements, you might as well get serious about your health and put yourself on a diet/exercise program and stick to it.  However, if the plan calls for starving yourself for two days, you should probably not spend dinner at the local catfish dive because you will end up going 200 calories over your limit and blowing things right off the bat!

7.  This has nothing to do with home improvement, but just because your boy is 11 years old and SHOULD know better.  Do not assume that when you let him go play outside with his friend that he will not do something crazy like decide to use nature to “relieve himself” despite the fact that our next door neighbors are having a garage sale and the fact that we live on a lot surrounded by woods full of creatures.  AND when boy does begin his job, it is entirely possible that a snake will come out of hiding to see what all the commotion is and scare the tee-tee out of boy (literally)!

Finally, I would like to end with a little story.  This has nothing to do with things I learned this week…but it is funny.  After spending two days organizing bedrooms, my kids were ready to play.  We had a friend spend the night Thursday night and on his way in he told us it looked like our next door neighbors were going to have a garage sale and we should go check it out.  I explained that we had just spent three days organizing and cleaning out…I did not want to bring someone else’s junk into my house.  But the allure was too much for the boys.  Bright and early Friday morning, they asked if they could go look.  Now, the neighbors are really sweet people and they have a little girl about Football boy’s age.  She is very sweet BUT her momma works a lot and her sisters who are much older keep her.  I think she is very lonely and she is delayed in academic as well as social skills.  Every summer we have to be very careful.  She will walk in the house without knocking, will get food out of the cabinets, refrigerator, etc. invite herself to lunch and even ask can she go into town, etc. with us.  Last summer, her sisters came looking for her about 2:00 in the afternoon–they had not seen her since 9:00 that morning.  Terrified, we went on a search for her and after about an hour found her in another neighbor’s house.  Anyway, the kids try to be nice, but they do get annoyed with her so they were a little leary about going to her house but finally worked up the courage. 

She gave them a guided tour of the garage sale and even laid a few sales pitches on them.  Finally, they found a prize…a disco ball…and they just had to have it.  So they pooled together $3 and made their purchase.  It has definitely provided $3 worth of entertainment!

Well, Monday Morning, our little neighbor came over and the kids started playing hide and seek.  She went into the boys’ room and saw that disco ball on their dresser.  I promise you, this was her reaction:  “Wow! cool disco ball–where did you get it?”  I say, the kids sell it back at about $10 and make a little profit! 

  ***I ate a chicken salad and three hush puppies plus the crust off of Dancer’s hushpuppy.  I also drank a HUGE Diet Coke.  Guess what, I am NOT hungry and I DO NOT have a headache!  Thank you Catfish Galley!

I am STARVING and I have had a headache for two days.  I really do not understand.  I really don’t think I am eating much less than normal.  I think it is in my mind.  We have family coming tonight so we are meeting them at a Catfish place.  Home of Fried fish, fried okra, fried hushpuppies, and french fries.  To make it even better, they have an ice cream bar for dessert.  I am really excited about going (hah!).  I am NOT coming home hungry.  I will do my best to be good.  I will not partake of the ice cream bar.  But I am not coming home hungry!!!  And, just to get it out in the open now, I am NOT giving up popcorn and M&M night.  I am NOT!

Oh! by the way, I also missed out on exercising today–I’m really just a rebel at heart!

I was tagged for a Meme by Happy Mommy. Which is a great way to get me going this week.

When was the most recent time you were burned?

I have no idea.  It  has actually been awhile.  Unless you count Saturday night when I burned myself with steam from my iron while ironing church clothes…but that probably doesn’t count in a cooking meme.  The time I remember most burning something was not long after Tigerfan and I were married.  I was baking some cookies and went to take them out of the oven.  I grabbed the pan and decided to switch hands…to the one with no oven mitt.  Brilliant I know.  Worse yet…Tigerfan didn’t really even like the cookies I made.

Can you cook?

Why yes, yes I can.  And, I enjoy it tremendously although I don’t seem to do much of it these days.

If yes name your specialties.

Let’s see, I make a pretty good pot of Chicken and Dumplings and a pretty good pork loin.  I make some to die for green beans wrapped in bacon from a recipe I got from my brother in law. MMMMMMM.  And desserts…oh my.  Chocolate Revel Bars, Mississippi Mud Cake, and Tigerfan likes my Apple pie.

Do you enjoy cooking?

I love it when I have time.  And when the kids are cooperating.  I have started getting them involved in the process and I LOVE cooking with them!

What color is your kitchen?

It is very bright yellow.  We have a big picture of flowers in all sorts of bright colors so it is accented in red, orange, green blue.  It is very bright, happy, and unfinished.  I desperately need curtains but can never decide what would look good so almost five years after moving in and four years after painting all I have are bamboo shades.  Someday, it will be beautiful, though.

Do you bake?

Baking is my very favorite!  It reminds me of grandma.  And oh the deliciousness of what you can eat when you are through!  Unfortunately I am probably going to have to curtail some of my baking because I have decided to really get serious about losing weight and since I seem to be the one to eat the vast majority of the baked goods, I probably am going to have to stop!  Sigh!

What do you like to bake?

Cookies, Cakes, Brownies, Pie…I am not choosy.  Before we had more kids than hands I used to bake all our bread (without a bread machine mind you).  I adore the smell of freshly baked bread.  Did I mention I am dieting…Wow, this is making me hungry!

What color is your apron?

I have several but my favorite was made by my grandma and is green and yellow and has the obligatory tag on the back that says…Made with love by Grandma!

Okay…Feel free to play along.  If you do, leave me a comment and let me know so I can go check it out!

On a somewhat related note…meaning it has to do with food.  I am trying very hard to lose this weight and get healthy.  I have committed to telling someone about my progress and keeping a food journal to try to keep me on track.  You, my sweet blogging friends are  who I am telling…Tigerfan is a bad influence (I love you, sweetie!) so  feel free to ask me how it is going, send me your good, healthy recipes and I am going to start a page where I keep my journal online…hopefully that will keep me from cheating!  Thanks for your help!

OOOH!  I am excited.  Carolyn at Purple Diva’s Diary has given me my first award.  She is so much fun to read and super encouraging always.  She LOVES to give awards…so go check her out!  Anyway, once I get Tigerfan to figure out how to put it on my blog…I’ll post it!

I have always been a quiet person, an introvert, I guess.  I was sandwiched between two very outgoing and fun sisters.  I was the “nerdy” bookworm.  They were fun with loads of friends.  I was smart with a few friends that I was extremely loyal to.

I was fashion challenged from the start although I didn’t know it.  Oh, how I wish I could figure out how to post pictures because I have a great picture of my favorite outfit from sixth grade.  It was a red and blue knicker jumpsuit complete with red and blue argyle socks.  I even donned the feathered locks!  In elementary school, I was blissfully unaware of my…fashion shortcomings.  In Junior high, I was too naive.  I can remember a few kids making fun, but I laughed along with them thinking how fun it was to joke with “friends”.  In high school, I clued in a little and when I began working spent more time trying to fit in to the styles, etc.  In fact, I probably thought I was quite “dapper!”

I never really felt great about myself, though.  I never measured up to my own standards.  I can remember crying with my mom because I wasn’t cool and popular like my sisters.  I never had a boyfriend, never became a leader at school, etc.  I knew my place in the high school hierarchy.  I wasn’t ultra nerdy, I wasn’t popular.  I was the one that 10 years later, people probably didn’t even realize was missing from the reunion.

I thrived more in college and gained some confidence, but I was a western girl in a southern school.  I still didn’t fit the mold.  I then married a man with some serious OCD tendencies.  He is GREAT, but some things I do will never measure up.  I can remember one day, early in our marriage, cleaning house.  When he came home, he mentioned his parents might come for the weekend so we really needed to clean up the place.  I was devastated…I just wasn’t enough.

I know I am not alone when I say, these feelings didn’t get better with motherhood.  I question every decision and when my children disobey or make bad choices…it somehow becomes about my lack of ability as a parent.

I have been through Bible Studies, read books, listened to Bible teachers, etc. all of which tell me I am made in God’s image, I am His perfect product, I am not a mistake.  All of that is in my head, but it is sooo hard to move that knowledge to my heart.  I guess that is one reason I love blogging.  There are no expectations, I can sit at the computer without makeup and 30 pounds overweight and people judge me not for my looks or fashion sense but for my words.  Although I sometimes wonder what my blogging friends look like, I do not choose them based on clothes or weight or looks or finances.  I am drawn to people with my values, my faith, people in a similar place in life, people I can relate to on the inside.

This is not to say I do not struggle with the same feelings of acceptance.  I will never be a Boomama or a Bigmama.  I will probably never be asked to be a guest/featured writer somewhere else.  Heavens, I can go days without a single comment and have had days in the not so recent past when 10 readers got me excited.  The funny thing is, that is not why I started blogging–it just seems to be human nature, or perhaps my nature, to want that acceptance, to want to excel, be known for SOMETHING (I mean other that being the crazy lady with 4 kids and that disheveled look on her face!).

Anyway, I say ALL that to say this.  I was walking on the treadmill yesterday and listening to a very old radio program about how women struggle with self image.  Beautiful women, popular women, successful women.  And somehow, the message FINALLY got through to my heart.  The way I see me and even the ways others see me is NOT how my God sees me.  He sees me not with all my flaws but clothed in garments of righteousness because I am His.  He purchased me with the highest price.  When I dread going to church because I am afraid of how people will see me–he sees beauty.  When I look in the mirror in disgust at a body that doesn’t seem to want to go back to its original shape, He sees not the fat but the heart.  The fact is–all those people whose opinions I am so worried about probably aren’t really paying attention anyway.  But I am never out of the Father’s thoughts!  Should I try to take care of myself–of course.  Should I strive to be healthy and a healthy weight–definitely.  But I need to stop wasting time worrying about how the world sees me and spend more time just bringing glory to the Father.  I will never be a beauty queen.  I will never win blogger of the year.  I sure won’t win mother of the year but I hope that when I start getting in the dregs of those old feelings that I am not enough, I remember that, no, I am not enough.  But my God is!

Today, I decided to do a little home organization.  My house has been driving me crazy…stuff everywhere!  Tigerfan keeps saying our house is too small and we need something bigger.  I love our house, I say we just need less stuff!

Anywhoo, I recruited the kiddos, got on the flylady website and looked at the week’s missions.  The zone for the week just  happens to be kid’s rooms so it was very timely.  We followed each of the suggestions and made it a game. 

First they went to their rooms with a garbage bag and just looked quickly for anything that needed to be thrown away.  Between the three of them (I didn’t make the baby clean up, I figure 5 months is a little young!) I think they found a bead and a piece of fuzz–so far things were very productive.  Then we did the “27 item boogie” They had to really look and search and find 27 items apiece that they could throw away–this could be school papers they no longer needed or broken toys, etc.  This was a little more difficult.  Especially for Dancer whom I was helping.  I kept finding tiny pieces of paper with one stenciled picture.  I would ask if we could throw that away to which she would give me an astonished look and proclaim her love for that piece of paper!

When that was accomplished I told the kids to find 3 toys they no longer played with that we could donate to boys or girls who didn’t have many toys.  Oh!  They were excited–they could do that!  In seconds Baseball boy was back showing me his stash.  The equivalent of three McDonald’s toys.  I explained that really wasn’t what I had in mind–I meant a little more substantial, something that took up space.  About that time, Football Boy came with his finds–three McDonald like toys.  Frustrated I explained that if they couldn’t purge some toys that I would wait for a day they were gone and I would do it like I used to.  I was trying to give them a choice but I know what they play with and if they can’t get rid of it on their own–I would do it.  Their reply?   “Cool!—Can we go to Nana’s?”

I have been tagged by my new friend Carolyn!  I know to those “cool” bloggers out there that is not exciting, but to those of us who are reader challenged it is quite thrilling!

Make sure you pay attention to the letter “T” cause I am tagging 4 of you!

A. Attached or Single? Attached (married) for 13 years

B. Best Friend? Male-My sweet Tigerfan/Female-probably my sister and my friend “T”

C. Cake or pie? yes

D. Day of choice? Sunday-The Lord’s Day and a day of rest

E. Essential item? Hand lotion–I am freakishly addicted!

F. Favorite color? -Pink

G. Gummy bears or worms? Bears, can’t handle the worm texture!!!

H. Home town? Boise, Idaho

I. Favorite indulgence? Chocolate–I’m not picky!

J. January or July? July-Summer vacation!

K. Kids? Four and NO MORE!

L. Life isn’t complete without? Humor

M. Marriage date? 6/10/1995

N. Number of brothers and sisters? Two sisters, one older,one younger and a sort of adopted Japanese brother (very long story)

O. Oranges or Apples? Fuji apples, although I am also a fan of the orange!

P. Phobias? Arachnaphobia!

Q. Quotes? My senior quote for the highschool yearbook:  “No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.”

R. Reasons to smile? My precious 5 month old surprise sitting in the excersaucer and scraming in delight.

S. Season of choice? Summer-refer to “J”

T. Tag 5 people:  Four Little Penguins, P.S. He Loves You, Happy Mommy, The Mother Load (okay, it says five…but I got nothin’ so four it is!)

U. Unknown fact about me? I played flute in the marching band in high school.  I was very bad.  And my hat wouldn’t stay on my head.  After one year and earning my letter, I quit!

V. Vegetable? Fried Okra

W. Worst habit?  Procratination

X. Xray or Ultrasound? Ultrasound

Y. Your favorite food? Chocolate

Z. Zodiac sign? Gemini but I really have no use for such things