Its Really Not Funny

I mentioned yesterday our experiences at the dermatologist.  But, oh, I only skimmed the surface.  Since baby is sleeping and the other children are occupied, I thought I would sit a moment and give you a little something, something to ponder over the weekend.

Our dermatological visits began about three years ago.  Tigerfan had some moles he was concerned about and our general practitioner recommended he have them checked out.  He had an appointment scheduled but realized at the last minute that it was scheduled for the same time we were to be out of town for children’s camp.  He called the office to explain the situation and they told him they could work him in that afternoon.

Now, I may have mentioned Tigerfan’s OCD tendencies once or twice and he does not fail here.  Because, he had a scheduled day he wore each pair of underwear so that they were on a rotation basis and got equal wear (I am not kidding!).  Anywhoo, as would happen, on this day, which happened to be a Monday, the scheduled pair had gotten too worn and he had not yet purchased a replacement, so he decided to live life on the edge and go “free willy” so to speak.  He thought nothing of it and that afternoon, he went to his doctor’s appointment.  The nurse greeted him in a friendly manner and then asked him to undress down to his underwear.

Now he was in a pickle, because of course, HE WASN’T WEARING ANY!  He decided just to “fess up” and said, “what if I am not wearing any?”  The nurse, with superhuman composure, if you ask me, replied that he could just leave his pants on!  /to this day he swears he heard the whole office begin to giggle as soon as she walked out!

Well, as you can imagine, we have gotten A LOT of mileage out of that little story!  I even have family members who regularly send him boxers so he always has a back up pair.

But, my friends, the story does not end there, oh, no it doesn’t.  Because, you see, yesterday he went back for his yearly exam (with underwear on, I would like to add).  She asked if he had any moles he was concerned about and he mentioned one on his arm.  She agreed that it should be removed.  She then began the “full body check” and found only one more suspicious looking friend.  It just happened to be about 1 1/2 inches northeast of…well, how do I say this delicately, his crack.  She said she was sorry, but it would have to be cut off as well, and got busy.  They didn’t even shave him, people. 

Now, Tigerfan is very hair challenged on top of his head, BUT he can grow it in abundance EVERYWHERE else, yes, even back there.  So, he finally emerged from the office climbed into his truck and winced just a bit, not from the wound but from the hair that was being ripped off under the bandage.

Last night, it was time to clean and dress the wounds.  I tried to get him to make me mad so I would enjoy it a bit more, but he would not cooperate.  We started with his arm and all went smoothly.  It was then time to move to “where the sun doesn’t shine,” literally.  I really did feel bad.  I asked him if he wanted me to just jerk or go slowly..he opted for speed.  So we both gritted our teeth and I jerked.  So did he..and he screamed…and the bandage, it didn’t come off.  A lot of hair, apparently did.  We began again.  Jerk.  Scream.  A few more centimeters of loose bandage.  Again.  Finally, he said to just go for it.  I did.  I think he may have had tears in his eyes.  And people.  There was another bandage underneath.  Oh, yes there was!  And, yes, I had to do it again!  And while I do feel sorry for him..it really was quite hysterical!  His hiney is feeling better today and we are using some much friendlier medical tape now…but something tells me that this story may well take its place in infamy.  Right next to going the doctor commando style!

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School Days

How quickly the lazy days of summer can turn into the harried days of school.  We have officially been in school for four days now and I am EXHAUSTED!

Monday was home organization day.  Since most of our books had not yet come in, we did what we could and then cleaned and organized our school storage room…believe me, that was a whole day’s work in and of itself!  But, oh, the sense of accomplishment at one room all organized neat!  I feel certain it will look like that for about 1 more day!

Tuesday, we began tutorial.  People…how do those with large families get out of their house.  I thought we were going to have to rent a Uhaul just to carry our supplies to school!  It was insane!  I had wrestled with whether to put Baby in Mother’s Day Out or find a college student to watch him, but in the end we settled on MDO.  I took him down and dropped him off with just a tinge of sadness at leaving the little guy.  However, I was too busy to dwell on it.  Dancer was THRILLED to be starting kindergarten and the boys had their classes to go to (3rd and 6th) and I had orientation to attend and to hold in my 5th grade room.  We made it through the day with few casualties.  Dancer was so excited that she kept going up to complete strangers and saying…out of nowhere…”I started kindergarten today!”  It was so cute because it is so totally out of character for her!  I had a few issues with MDO but I think today they were all resolved so I will refrain from getting into that.

Wednesday we began settling into our routine.  We had most of our books and were able to make a relatively full day of school and didn’t have to rush to handbells this year so it seemed like a breeze.

Today was another tutorial day.  Everything was less crazy.  Not much to tell, although one of the Pre-K kids did go home Tuesday and was talking to his mom about school.  They  have an aid to  help in Pre-K and kindergarten and he told his mom all about how his class had a servant that just took them to the bathroom and stuff.  How funny is that?  After school, Tigerfan had an appointment with the dermatologist.  He had a few moles cut off a few years back that were pre-cancerous so he is now on the yearly checkup list (that, by the way brings to mind an embarrassing story I may have to tell on him one day–with his permission of course).  He wanted Football boy to go and get a mole checked out.  So, we dropped F.B. off at the doctor, drove across town to the dance studio to get Dancer,s shoes and tights for this year’s dance class and in the meantime, scare the begeebees out of the guy at the dance shop.  I know it isn’t nice, but it was funny!  He was in the restroom (which is in the middle of the store and doubles as the dressing room) when we came in and didn’t hear us.  We thought everyone was in the backroom.  We were looking at the tights right by the door and when it opened, the poor man about had a heart attack!  I kindly suggested that he may need to reenter the bathroom and clean himself up! Ha!  He suggested that Baseball Boy use my cellphone to call China!  Anyway, we then went back to get F.B. and he did indeed have to get the mole cut off.  Daddy said he was quite a trooper so we let him choose a place to go eat a very late lunch.  We then came home to do homework and change clothes so Baseball boy could go to ball practice.  F.B. has decided to play fall ball this year as well but is restricted from practice for a few days due to his wound.

That is where we are now.  I just updated my class website and checked the others for homework.  We are SWAMPED with it!  UGH!  I have a dishwasher full of clean dishes and a sink full of dirty ones that need to be put in it!  School bags are everywhere, the counters do not have an inch of space and I can’t get anything done because my 7 month old will not stay off the treadmill or scaling the couch!  Just a note, 7 month olds are not supposed to be pulling up on couches or crawling on treadmills!  Anyway, that is why it has been quiet around the ole blog for a few days and unfortunately, I just don’t have the gumption to think up anything clever to write about.  Hopefully I will get my act together soon.  Until then…okay, never mind, I was going to say something clever, but I got nothin’!  Be back…sometime!

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Myth Buster

As has become the norm as of late, I have had a little trouble finding the time to do much blogging.  I have had this little post in mind for a few days however so this morning, before the rush of starting school begins, I am going to try.

Last week was a bit of a rough, busy week.  The events of the week left me challenging two commonly held recommendations for families. 

1.  Teaching your children to do household chores is good for them, teaching them responsibility…yada, yada, yada, and relieving some of the duties of mom.  Until this last week, I have bought into this one hook, line and sinker.  My three oldest make their own beds, sort their own laundry, set the table, etc.  Football boy can do a load of laundry from start to finish.  I have learned (with difficulty) the art of praising the effort of folding the towels and I wait to refold them my way until no one is looking!  I turn my eyes when Baseball boy “hangs” his own t-shirts by putting them in the closet between two other shirts and squeezing them together really tight so he doesn’t have to go to the effort of, you know, getting a hanger.  My sweet little ones have even been scrubbing the bathrooms for some time now.  And there, my friends, lies the problem.  I have allowed myself to live in an oblivious place where pre-adolescent children actually clean things.  This revelation came this week when the stomach bug attacked me and I had a very close encounter with every commode in my house.

I have always retained bathroom duty in my master bath–it is only right.  So, when my unfortunate meetings with porcelain began, everything was okay.  But as the day progressed…other “thrones” (so to speak) began calling to me as well and these little meetings were, well, disgusting.  The smell alone surely extended the life of my little bug.  Toilets that are “scrubbed” every other day were nauseating–literally!  There was evidence of little boys’ lack of ability to hit a target everywhere!  How could I have missed this?

I think as a public service, I must ammend this commonly held belief.  Yes, teach your kids to fold laundry, teach them to empty a garbage can, show them how to dust the furniture.  But if there are germs or bodily fluids involved–take care of it yourself.  Believe me, it is worth it!

2.  The second theory I would like to challenge is this–and don’t judge me, I am trying to help!  I am not entirely convinced that family meals around the table really do promote closeness and family unity.  Just hear me out.

Let me give you a picture of our family at meal time.  I have spent all day, alone, with four children.  Baby probably has not taken a nap because he has three older siblings who make sure of that.  The laundry is piled, well, everywhere.  The house was vacuumed once last month–although the appliance is sitting out in the middle of the floor because I totally intend on doing it–sometime.  The boys have played playmobile which means every room in the entire house is covered in tiny little men and I must continue to rescue baby from choking on a pirate.  Dancer is screaming for me to come watch her dance recital.

I finally begin dinner.  I call to the kids to begin cleaning up and ask them to come set the table.  Around this time Tigerfan gets home and his OCD kicks into high gear as he begins having convulsions at the state of his abode.  We finally settle down and begin supper.  After a knock down, drag out fight over who is going to pray, the food is blessed and all the children get up because they “forgot” to wash their hands before sitting down.  I use the term sitting down loosely.  For some reason unbeknownst to me, boys seem to have an inability to sit on their bottoms.  The closest they come is a half sit/half stand position with one foot under them and one foot on the floor.

I look around, Dancer is sitting!  I give her some positive reinforcement!  Suddenly, the boys remember how to sit–until B.B. realizes he forgot the ketchup he must drown his food in.  He hops up to get it from the refrigerator.  When he returns–he forgets how to sit again.  I comment on how nicely F.B. is sitting!  Dancer begins crying because SHE is sitting to.  B.B. then fusses because he was sitting but he had to get up and he just forgot and I ALWAYS pick on him!  Suddenly, F.B. looks at supper and discovers nutritionally sound food on his plate.  He is no longer hungry…can he be excused.  No, eat!  In the next few minutes, a drink will be spilled, the baby will start screaming, the children will fight over who is eating better, faster, weirder… and F.B. will begin gagging at the disgusting meal I have tried semi hard to prepare.  By the end of our lovely meal, we will not have discussed the events of the day or planned some family together time.  In all likelihood, I will be mad and my feelings will be hurt because no one liked my low-fat,low taste but high fiber and vitamin meal, Tigerfan will be stressed because there are grapes smashed on the floor and the children will be mad because in all likelihood they are now going to bed early. 

I say, order in, eat outside, and bond over an ice cream cone at Baskin Robbins.  That, my friends, will be much more effective in promoting family unity!

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My Bucket List

Carolyn at Purple Diva’s Diary is running a cute contest.  It is inspired by the movie, “The Bucket List” which I have not seen, probably because if it is not animated or doesn’t come on a certain channel highlighting huge mouse ears, I haven’t seen it!  Anyway, her challenge is to make a list of things you would like to do before you “kick the bucket” so to speak.  She did 13, I am not sure that number is set in stone, but I will go with it because I am not one to buck the system.

Okay, here goes.

1.  I would like to learn to really hear the voice of God and obey.  This stems from the Bible Study I have been doing this summer.  I really want to KNOW God, to KNOW His voice and for people to know me as someone who is totally dedicated to serving him, regardless of how crazy that may seem.

2.  I would like to visit Austria.  I do not know why, but I have heard it is really neat, the people are friendly, and I am fascinated by its history.  This is a little unlike me because I am not one who desires world travel–to many unknown foods!

3.  I want to try some of the different foods I see people cooking with on Food TV but I never buy because I am too cheap to purchase them when I am not sure I would like them.  Things like goat cheese, real olives (not the canned ones!), etc.

4.  I would love to write a book.  When I was young and painfully shy, I would escape into other worlds through reading.  I always said I would write books to encourage teenage girls going through those awkward years.  Now I love to read historical fiction because it helps historical events make sense to me.  I don’t know if I even could write like some of my favorite authors, but someday I would like to try.

5.  I would like to run a Bed and Breakfast.  I am not sure I would want to do this long term, it would be a lifestyle I am not sure I could do forever, but it sounds like something I would love to try.  I found a nice one for sale in St. George, Utah a couple of weeks ago for the bargain price of $990,000 so if anyone has a cool million lying around they would like to loan me, send me an email!

6.  I would also like to run a candy/bakery store.  Dancer also wants to do this.  She has decided on the name the “Yummy Candy Shop” which I find completely appropriate.  I think the biggest drawback to this is the enormous amount of weight I am sure to gain so this might be best left till closer to the end, if you know what I mean!

7.  I want to visit Maine although it will have to be without all the seafood because, YUCK!

8.  I definitely MUST go to Pennsylvania Amish country.  While I am there I would also enjoy the Hershey factory, the Crayola factory…yes, Pennsylvania is a must, maybe I could do a little research while I am there by staying at an Amish B&B!

9.  I want to see my kids graduate from high school and go on to do something productive so that I know the years I have spent homeschooling them have not COMPLETELY warped them!

10.  I want to declutter my house and have EVERY ROOM clean at the same time!

11.  I want to get organized.  I mean organized, people.  Like knowing what I am going to cook for supper every night, having all ingredients on hand, having something to make when I need to send a meal to a friend AND have a meal or two in the freezer.  At the same time, have a chore list that I actually make the kids do so my house is somewhat in order and not be running late everywhere I go.

12.  I want to slow down and chill out for a while.  I don’t want my kids to have to ask me why we are always in a hurry or why I can never do anything with them.

13.  I want to have all the work done in my house and everything decorated (not professionally-although if a professional would like to offer their services, I am willing to give it the ole college try!).  That includes finishing the bathroom I started working on three years ago, buying and hanging curtains in the living room and kitchen (something I have never had in 13 years of marriage), getting new living room furniture (not that ours isn’t lovely, but it was Tigerfan’s before I even knew him, so it has lived a good life), etc.

Well, that about wraps it up–I am not the most adventurous person around, no bungee jumping for me, but these are the things I thought of off the top of my head.  Give it a try and then head over to Carolyn’s and sign up for the contest and leave me a comment telling me you played along–I would love to see some other lists!

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We Now Return to Our Regularly Scheduled Program…

Okay!  Back again after a quick trip to LA for birthdays.  Monday was unpack and grocery shop and do laundry day and yesterday was in the bed with a horrible stomach bug day!  Blah!  But, now I am back and hopefully getting back into a routine  that includes this neglected little blog o’ mine!

Let’s see, a while back I promised a little update on my dieting/fitness.  That was before vacation!  I promised myself I would stay on track, I promised myself I would exercise.  I lied!  I did not exercise, unless you include the 100 thousand miles we walked in 200 degree heat up and down the strip of Las Vegas.  I choose to believe I took care of at least a weeks worth of exercise in that one day!

We got home and I really meant to get back on track!  BUT, I hadn’t been to the grocery store and I had so much unpacking, laundry, and repacking….well, I did not get back on track!  Then I got off to a good start Monday but yesterday, not so much and today I am taking it easy so MAYBE tomorrow.  I have lost a grand total of about 10 pounds and I surely don’t want to start going back up but I am not exactly sure how to get all my workouts in around school starting, etc.  We will just have to see.  Sparkpeople.com has helped me so much.  I have been tracking my nutrition and exercise and it definitely helps to actually see what you are doing in print!

I also promised news about my surprise visit from my grandma.  She is so cute!  For YEARS she ran a day care out of her home and my grandpa was in poor health so she didn’t travel much.  A few years ago she closed the daycare and not long after that my grandpa passed away…and my grandma became a wild woman!  Really, her sister moved from Texas to live with her for awhile and they are just too cute!  They now take a pretty extended trip every year starting in Boise (her home) and extending to TN and TX and many places in between.  They always are so much fun, she has even learned to play poker which I find hilarious!  This year, I had not heard about any trips, she has been having some health issues and I thought they just were not going to make it this year.  Then, one day out of the blue, my dad called and told me that my Great Aunt, my Gammy, and a friend were on the way to my house from their sister’s house a couple of hours away.  They had tried to call but couldn’t get me…I discovered later that they were calling my old phone, that I haven’t had for over a year!  Anyway, after getting lost, a couple of times, they finally made it to my house.  They were only staying a few minutes because they were trying to make time to Little Rock for the night.  My grandma was giving the friend a tour of the house and began telling her about all the changes we had made.  How they had slept in one room and it was really big and not private and we wanted her to have a special place to stay so we moved the staricase and added the living room and now she has her own room to stay in when she comes!  I am honored that she believes that we are so talented that we can move an entire staircase in our house, but that is not exactly how it happened.  We actually just built a wall in the center of one huge (but already existing) room and made it into a bedroom and a library.  We tried to explain that to her friend.   She corrected us.  We tried to explain to her.  She corrected us.  Finally, I just decided to let her believe we moved the staircase…just for her.  Soon, they had to go.  They loaded back up into the car, waved, and backed up…into our mailbox!  No harm was done to either the mailbox or the car, but I must say, I am really looking forward to what the next visit will bring!

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Boring and Strange Facts About Me

My friend, Carolyn tagged me for this meme.  About two weeks ago.  I am FINALLY getting to it.  I am supposed to tell some boring or quirky things about me.  So, here goes:

1.  Although, I am married to a man with OCD, I have not one iota of OCD in me.  Not ANY!  I am sure I drive HIM crazy because, if the bed is made neatly, I am happy–he wants it to bounce a quarter–military corners, people.  I just truly do not care that much.  Some people assume that I am a little OCD but it is all just compensation to make life a little more peaceful for Tigerfan.  If left to my own devices–who knows what my house would look like!

2.  I HATE to be barefoot!  Tigerfan says I would shower in shoes if I could (of course, he also says I would shower in clothes if I could but that is another post altogether!).  I have been like this forever.  My momma could easily contain me outside by putting me on a blanket and removing my shoes because I hated the feel of grass on my feet.  Nothing has changed.  I ALWAYS have on shoes or houseshoes and always sleep in socks.  ALWAYS!

3.  I homeschool, teach 3rd grade Sunday School, teach 5th grade at Tutorial and used to teach at our Wednesday night children’s activities.  However, I discovered that I could not be nice to children on Wed. nights so I did the unthinkable and quit to join a women’s Bible Study.  It is the best decision I ever made.  It is my sanctuary, my calm in the middle of a week.  I love our leader, love the ladies from all different walks of life, love all the different studies we have done BUT I get in there and CANNOT talk or discuss things I have studied during the week because I am to dadgum shy and the thought of speaking up, even in that group makes my heart beat wildly, my palms sweat, etc.  I need help!   🙂

4.  I hate change.  We moved into our house 5 years ago, set up the furniture, and it is still there.  I order the same food at each different place we eat.  I cook the same meals despite the fact that I am obsessed with watching Food TV.

5.  I iron religiously every Monday and Wednesday night.  I am not sure why.  Refer to item number 1.  I actually kind of enjoy ironing because the kids are in bed, Tigerfan is doing his thing, the house is quiet and I can turn on the T.V. and watch anything I want.  I pick strange shows.  I love Project runway and Top Chef, but if they are not on, I love Food TV, Tru TV( used to be Court TV), HGTV, etc.  I am really such a boring person

So, there ya have it.  5 pretty boring facts about me.  I can think of boring much easier than quirky!!!  So, how about you.  If you decide to join in, leave me a comment so I can come check it out!

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Really…..I am Coming Back!

Wow, I decide to start blogging a bit again and suddenly life gets crazy busy!  We have just returned from vacation.  We drove to Hurricane Utah and managed to log in a little over 4,000 miles on our little ole gas guzzler!  We, of course waited to plan this vacation until we had a vehicle with a 30 gallon tank and gas at $4.00 a gallon!  It was well worth it, though!

We had a great time!  My daddy saw the baby in person for the first time and spoiled him rotten as any good grandpa does.  My momma had not seen him since the day he came home from the hospital, so it was fun to see them get to know him.  He is definitely the most spirited of my kids…absolutely chalked full of personality and he didn’t disappoint.  I tell ya, I love the little guy…I couldn’t have asked for a better surprise!

My younger sister and her family joined us for a few days and we visited Zions National Park, Las Vegas, watched a local group perform High School Musical and played Truth or Dare with my mom (how fun is THAT!)  After they left, we made play dough and zucchini bread with zucchini from my Mom’s garden, went to a museum full of Dino tracks, ate like pigs, and added one day to our trip because we were having so much fun!  It was amazing! 

On the way out, we stayed one night in Holbrook, AR on the old route 66.  We stayed in a motel called the Wig Wam Motel and actually slept in little TeePee’s–How fun is that…We were some rockin’ parents that night.  We found out that the Disney animators had spent a week there when they were working on Cars and that the motel was kind of the inspiration for the Cozy cones in the movie.  We also ate at Joe and Aggies which was a hangout for the Imagineers (as we now know they are called) and Joe told us all about the time they spent there and showed us all kinds of pictures…it was great!

That was the good part of the trip.  The only really bad parts were day 1.  We got up at 5 A.M. and left at six to drive to Amarillo,TX–a 12 hour trip if you never stop!  We had booked a room using Hotwire (something we have done frequently).  We rolled in about 8:00 that night, checked in, and walked into the single most disgusting hotel room I have ever seen.  Dead bugs on the floor, walls and door black from fingerprints, water in the sink that would not stop running, the door that wouldn’t close unless you threw your whole body weight against it–Ugh!  We turned around, turned the keys back in and left!  We went to supper and began calling hotels to try to get a different room.  We could not find a single room anywhere in Amarillo…not one!  We finally ended up having to drive another hour and a half to Tucumcari, NM a place that will forever represent a little slice of Heaven on earth to me now.  Tigerfan called Hotwire and rantedshared with him our lovely night and managed to get the unthinkable–a refund from Hotwire!  So, it all worked out and we ended up with a shorter drive the next day, which was good since it was after 1:00 a.m. before the kiddos finally got in bed.

We also did not enjoy Las Vegas too much.  Basically we walked along the strip for HOURS in 100+ degree heat I have now done it, do not need to do it again, thank you very much!

We managed to squeeze a three day return trip into two and got in Sunday night.  I began unpacking, etc. Monday, had to take the baby in for his 6 month checkup (yes, he is seven months—sue me!) to find out he has a little cold and is now running fever :(.  AND, Tigerfan has decided that we need to leave for Louisiana on Thursday night for our niece and nephew’s birthday parties (a six hour drive).  So, this week I am unpacking, washing clothes, taking care of a sick baby, ordering curriculum because I realized on vacation that school starts in two weeks and I have NOTHING and repacking to go again.

So, I will type again someday, I was tagged for a meme a couple of weeks ago that I have half way completed and a head full of things to talk about and I would like to visit  a few blogs as well–hopefully soon.  I am so out of touch that I did not even know until yesterday that there is a give away carnival going on…I promised myself I would participate next time…not going to happen…maybe next, next time!

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